


The Scientist

by MusicReject



Series: Song Verse [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A tiny bit of fluff, Angst, I'll mark it don't worry, I'm determined to make a fic involving the other people more, I'm so sorry, M/M, so that they're not just "mentioned", the ending made me cry, this is so much angst, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicReject/pseuds/MusicReject
Summary: Nobody said it was easyIt's such a shame for us to partNobody said it was easyNo one ever said it would be this hardOh take me back to the start





	1. Come Up To Meet You

Alexander Hamilton was known for being short-tempered and fiery. He had no time for anything, especially relationships, if he was going to get everything done. If he was going to change the world and leave his mark then he had to do it alone.

 

He was in a rush, fast-tracking through Columbia at a rate that shouldn’t even be humanly possible. And it wasn’t. He burned. Alexander Hamilton was a wildfire taking down everything in his path.

John Laurens walked, no, collided with his life on a frozen day in late November.

“I’m so sorry!” a voice shouted near Alexander’s ear as he struggled to stand up, the ground too slick to get a grip.

A hand appeared in his line of sight and Alexander grabbed it, “it’s okay, don’t worry about-“ he stopped as he finally stood and looked at the man in front of him. Curly hair and hazel eyes greeted him.

A moment of silence passed, their hands still joined, before the man smiled, “I’m John Laurens.”

“Alexander Hamilton,” and there he was. Alexander Hamilton emerged from the flames to greet the man that would change his life.

 

They fell into a fast friendship, the kind few people could hope to have. John was passionate. Just as passionate as Alexander, but not in the same way. Alexander used his words in fights. John used his fists. John felt everything. Alexander refused to, John taught him how to. John quieted the roar in his ears and the war in his mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by request from Parksandaddicted so thank you very much for the request!  
> Based on the song The Scientist by Coldplay  
> (if you don't know the song, check it out) :)  
> I literally wrote this in my notebook during school because I couldn't get my brain to stop thinking about it long enough to do actual schoolwork.  
> Feel free to request and let me know what you think. Have a great day/night! :D


	2. Do Not Speak As Loud As My Heart

They fell in love on a burning day in July.

 

Alexander is a man of logic. A lawyer. He understands the written word. He reads body language and will tell you if someone is innocent in five minutes of an hour client meeting. He hasn’t lost a single case in the year he’s worked for Washington.

He understands everything. Except for this.

 

John hasn’t heard from Alex in four days. Which isn’t odd but there’s usually a text waiting for him in the morning, ranting about some topic, that takes him ten minutes to read. It’s been complete silence.

So he goes to Alexander’s apartment. He knocks. No answer.

Knocks.

Waits.

No answer.

He tries the knob. It turns and he’s inside.

Alexander has always been a mess but this is strange. Even for him. There are pages from a tear away desk calendar scattered everywhere. He picks one up and there’s writing but it’s too anxious and scared to decipher.

“A Ham?” he calls, stepping further into the apartment and picking up papers as he went. Each one covered in writing.

“Alex?” he calls again as he sat the pages on the disorganized desk. He hears a thump coming from the direction of the bedroom.

“Alexander?” he said, terror-coursing through his veins, “are you okay?” He walks to the bedroom door and pushs it open, “Alexand-“ he cuts himself off when he walks in and catches sight of even more pages tacked to the walls and scattered on the floor. Dried out pens in a pile on the floor and there’s his Alexander, no not his, there’s Alexander, standing precariously on a stack of books and scribbling furiously on another page.

“Alexander, what are you doing?” John asks when he finally manages to recover from shock.

Alexander jumps and, just as he falls, John rushes forward to catch him.

Alexander, looking at John from his arms, says, “Oh hey John, when did you get here?”

John stood Alex back up and shivers at the sudden loss of his warmth in the strangely cold apartment, ”a few minutes ago. I’ve actually been looking for you.” He crosses his arms and says , “what are you doing?”

The look on Alexander’s face immediately shifts. He looks frustrated, anxious, and something deeper than sadness fills his gaze, along with something John couldn’t even hope to place. He runs over to the wall and tears a couple pages down, “I don’t understand, John,” he says as he hands the pages over to the other man.

“What don’t you understand?” John asks as he struggles to decipher the writing on the page, looking up when he couldn’t to find Alexander already staring at him.

“You. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand what’s going,” he says, running his hands through his hair.

John felt his heart start racing, “What do you mean?”

“I’m a lawyer, John. I’m not a scientist,” Alex starts, beginning to pace, “I understand words. But I’ve been looking at the numbers and figures and I can’t figure it out. I can’t put the puzzle pieces together,” he said, tugging on his hair.

“What are you talking about, Alex?”

“I don’t do connections, John. I don’t want a reason to stick around,” John felt his heart break at Alexander’s words, “But everything’s so loud, except it’s not as loud as what I can hear my heart saying.”

“What are you trying to say?” John asks, looking at him with concern.

“I’m saying,” Alex sighs, “I’ve never been very good at science.”

John laughs, “Is that it? I know, Alex. You said that constantly when we had to get that required science credit.”

“Which I still don’t get!”

John smiled at his outburst and shook his head. As he turned to leave the room, he said, “Is that it though? Let’s get you some food.”

“Wait John!” Alex shouts, stopping John in his tracks.

John turns around smiles at his friend, “Yeah Alex?”

“That wasn’t all,” he states simply.

“What-” before John could get out another word, Alex was in front of him, hands on either side of face, pulling him into a kiss. It was rough, bruising, unsure, full of _something_ but, dammit, it was the best kiss either of them have ever had. And between kisses:

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

 

_You don’t know how lovely you are._


	3. Come Back and Haunt Me

Nobody said it was going to be easy but they had three years of happiness.

 

They fell apart on a windy day in April. Not windy like it was just blowing leaves and ruining hair. Windy like it was rattling windows and tearing things apart. Including them.

 

Alexander worked hard, everyone knew that. He was fire. But he was dark. John though, John was the sun. He made Alexander better. In every way. They were no longer Alexander and John. They were _AlexanderAndJohn_. Two halves of the same person.

It was windy and John was mad. No, not mad. John was a storm.

See, Alexander was known for pushing. That’s why he was so good at his job. He pushed until he got the desired outcome.

Alexander was never very good at being close to people so he pushed.

And pushed.

And pushed.

John broke.

John and Alex, doctor and lawyer, always worked late. So when they finally managed to be at home, at the same time, that’s when everything fell apart.

There was screaming and slamming doors and words that neither meant but said. There were tears. Then it ended.

“Stop pushing me away, Alexander!”

“I don’t need anyone.”

Alexander slammed the door behind him when he left the apartment. When he came back, John was gone.

He shattered.

 

Months of complete silence passed.

Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are supposed to be really short, by the way. They follow these events in their lives. Sorry if they're somewhat frustrating! They appeared longer in my notebook. Have a great day/night! :D


	4. Tell You I'm Sorry

It was a rainy day in October when they reassembled their pieces.

 

Alexander was drunk. Again. He was drunk a lot lately. He drank to forget but he could never forget John’s face.

Hercules picked him up.

“You need to talk to him, Alex.”

“I don’t need him.”

Hercules pulled over and slammed on the breaks, “Dammit, Alexander! I’ve tried to understand where you’re coming from, I have. But I don’t get it. You love each other so much and it’s okay to need someone. Yes you’re Alexander Hamilton and you’re known for not needing, or relying, on people but-”

“I’m scared.”

Hercules froze, “What?”

Alexander looked down at his hands, “What if he doesn’t want me anymore”

“Alex,” Hercules started.

“He doesn’t need me. He’s better off without me,” Alexander said, finally looking up at Hercules with tears blurring his vision.

“Alex, I’ve never seen John love anyone as much as he loves you,” Hercules said, placing a hand on Alexander’s shoulder, “He needs you as much as you need him, even if you try to deny it.”

Alexander cracked a smile, “Let’s go.”

“What?” Hercules asked, turning back to the steering wheel.

“Take me to John.”

So he did.

 

Alexander stared at the door, hands clenching and unclenching. He knocked and his confidence left him, but as he turned to leave, the door opened.

“Alex?” John asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

Alex looked at him but before he could speak, he fell to the ground sobbing.

John stood frozen for a second before falling to the ground beside Alexander and pulling him onto his lap, “Shhh,” he said, rubbing Alexander’s back.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Alexander forced out between sobs.

John nodded, “I’m sorry too,” he said, starting to cry with the man in his arms.

“I didn’t mean anything I said. I need you. I need you more than anything. I love you so much,” Alex said, burying his face in John’s chest.

“I know,” John whispered in Alex’s ear, “I’m sorry for the things I said. I should have handled it better.”

Alex shook his head and sat up so he could look John in the eye, “No, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I’m not used to needing people and… having you… it was something I never thought I would have. I know that I fucked it up and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

John took a deep breath, “You didn’t fuck anything up.”

“What?” Alex asked, confused.

“I think we should try again.”

The smile that appeared on Alex’s face took John’s breath away.

Alex took John’s breath away again when he kissed him so hard that he fell backwards.

 

As they sat in front of John’s apartment, John wiped away Alexander’s tears and said, “nobody said it was easy, Alex.”

Alexander nodded, “but no one ever said it would be this hard.”

They shared another kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

They had four more wonderful years together. A few months ago, they started mentioning marriage.


	5. I'm Going Back To The Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER!!  
> RIGHT AT THE VERY BEGINNING!!  
> It is very brief but I want you to be safe.  
> I will mark the beginning and end with a line of zeros :)  
> You do not need to read that part to understand the rest of the ending.  
> Stay safe, my friends.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It was a frozen day in late November when John left Alexander’s life the same way he entered it. Except this time, it was by colliding with a car going in the opposite direction.

Alexander was told it was fast but he wasn’t sure.

Alexander was cold.

 

As they left the cemetery, the sky was dark, his sun was gone.

Lafayette wrapped an arm around Alexander’s shoulders, “it will be okay, mon petit lion.”

Alexander didn’t believe them but he leaned into their side as they walked to the car. If there’s one thing John taught him, it’s to rely on his _friends_ and the _people_ he _loved_.

 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 

**1 Month Since**

Alexander finds the strength to get out of bed. Lafayette makes him eat and Hercules helps him clean. He breaks down picking up John’s scrubs.

 

**2 Months Since**

Alexanders finds the strength to go back to work. Except Washington finds him sobbing in the corner of his office, surrounded by papers and snapped pens, “why did you have to leave me, John?! I need you, John!” he began to hyperventilate and the tears came faster, “Why… why did we have to part? I love you so much. I love you!”

Washington sends him home.

He goes to Lafayette and Hercules’s apartment as he can’t stand the silence in his own home. He _needs_ his _friends_.

 

**3 Months Since**

He starts therapy with the support of his _friends_.

 

**4 Months Since**

Weekly movie nights start again. Lafayette curls up against his left side. Peggy lays her feet in his lap. Hercules makes popcorn. He cries when Eliza and Angelica play John’s favorite movie.

 

**5 Months Since**

He makes it through.

He writes to John every day.

 

**6 Months Since**

Breathing starts coming easier.

 

**7 Months Since**

Alexander finds the strength to go through John’s things. He starts, and ends, with his desk. He finds a ring tucked into the drawer containing John’s sketchbooks. It’s engraved with

AH+JL

“I would have said yes, John,” Alex says as he slides the ring onto his left hand ring finger.

It’s a perfect fit.

 

The next day Alexander changes his name to Alexander Hamilton-Laurens.

 

**1 Year Since**

Alexander Hamilton-Laurens is known for being short-tempered and fiery. He’s a wildfire and is going to change the world. Except, he spends time with _friends_. He forms _connections_. He has reasons to _stay_. He misses and loves John.

Alexander Hamilton-Laurens is curled up on their bed, wearing one of John’s old sweatshirts and sweatpants. It’s six o’clock in the morning and he needs to be up in four hours. Lafayette made plans. He closes his eyes and a few tears slip out as he falls asleep. His last thought is one he’s been having a lot lately.

 

_Oh, take me back to the start._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the ending.  
> Don't worry, I'm angry with myself too. I actually cried whilst writing that.  
> Have a great day/night. Read something sweet. Stay safe. I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Written by request from Parksandaddicted so thank you very much for the request!  
> Based on the song The Scientist by Coldplay  
> (if you don't know the song, check it out) :)  
> I literally wrote this in my notebook during school because I couldn't get my brain to stop thinking about it long enough to do actual schoolwork.  
> Feel free to request and let me know what you think. Have a great day/night! :D


End file.
